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N A CORNFIELD far, far away, a farmer decided that there was more money in carving his crop into a maze than selling his maize for consumption. Coincidentally, in a Language School not so far away, an LY Academic Coordinator decided that our academics needed enhancement, that a bonding experience would be just the ticket to yearlong fraternity. So one Monday last autumn teachers and pupils alike piled into three orange school buses, Camarrillo-bound, for an afternoon of...GETTING LOST in a cornfield!!!

One of the objectives of this sortie was to "discover things about ourselves". For starters, I already knew that I did not want to penetrate this maze. Mazes are creepy. They are created to disorient and confuse the sap unlucky enough to find himself in one. Literature is replete with tales of hapless souls perishing from hunger and boredom in one of these labrynths. So I was there under duress.

Immediately upon arrival, we were arbitrarily divided into "teams" , told to choose a name for ourselves, stick together, follow the directions provided in mailboxes found along the way: all for one and one for all. Well my dears, of course Marijana and I had a better idea. Don't we always? We refused to be separated. We threw ourselves into the innards of the maize absolutely sure that we would find our way out of there sans maps, sans teammates, sans carrying a medieval-looking banner. Yessiree, by always veering to the right, we would be out of there in a mere.......six hours of so, as it turned out! Here we stand at the gates.

So what have we learned thus far? That we are snobs and that we are not teamplayers. So how did we do? Miserably! While other teams took their time pouring over maps and clues found along the way, we went round and round in circles, being certain to always veer to the right, which got us right back where we had started at least a dozen times.

Teams were actually wending their way to the Victory Bridge, fair and square. How was this possible when we were so superior and logical? After about 90 minutes of this stuff and after encountering the emergency escape route for the fifth time, and taking note that our feet hurt and our black shoes were pale beige with dust, we....yes...BAILED! So what did we learn about ourselves, besides what we already knew? We are smug, independent, and get out while the getting's good! That's what!